For 16 glorious
years, I taught 11th-graders at a magnet high school in Miami. For me, teaching
wasn't about making a living. It was my life.
Nothing
made me happier or more content than standing in front of a classroom and
sharing the works of writers such as Shakespeare, Chaucer, Jack Kerouac, Tupac
Shakur and Gwendolyn Brooks and watching my students "catch" my
passion for language and literature.
I loved
watching these 15- and 16-year-olds grapple with their first major life
decisions -- future careers, relationships, where to live, which colleges to
attend, what to study-- at the same moment they're learning to drive and
getting their first jobs and experimenting with identity and independence.
There
wasn't a day when I didn't feel privileged to be part of their metamorphoses
and grateful for the chance to affect their lives.
My
classroom was my sanctuary, so on the day before Thanksgiving in 2006 when I
was diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer at 34 and told I had less
than a year to live, I did what I always did. I went to school. I needed my
students to know that I trusted them enough to share life's most sacrosanct
passage. Death.
They, in
turn, helped me to live in the moment and spend whatever time I had left living
well. For six years, the only time I wasn't in class was when I was undergoing
brain surgery. I never avoided the topic of my cancer, glioblastoma multiforme,
with my students, but it was not something I dwelled on, nor did they.
I covered
my bald, lacerated head with a woolen hat and scheduled chemotherapy around my
classes, and I got so good at being sick that I could run to the bathroom,
heave into the toilet, flush, brush my teeth and fly back to class in under
three minutes. They pretended not to notice. During that time, I even won
"Teacher of the Year" for my region. I was grateful for every breath
and felt as if I could live that way forever.
Then, two
summers ago, the tumor in my head decided to act up. I was playing pool with a
friend when I was struck with a catastrophic seizure that left me crippled and
mostly blind. After two months of physical therapy and a grim prognosis for
improvement, I was forced to face that I could no longer be the teacher I once
was and I tendered my resignation.
The cancer
had finally succeeded in taking me out of the classroom, but I wasn't ready to
let it take me out of the game. I wasn't afraid to die. I was afraid of living
without a purpose.
To
paraphrase Nietzsche, a person who has a why to live can always find a how. My
"why" had always been my students. I just needed to find a new
"how." Since I no longer had a classroom for them to come to me, I
decided that I would go to them.
My students
had taught me the greatest lesson of all...what matters is not so much about
what we learn in class, but what we feel in our hearts.
In
September of 2012, I posted my plan on Facebook. I said I wanted to spend
whatever time I had left visiting with former students. My purpose was to have
a chance to see firsthand how my kids were faring and to witness how, if at
all, I had helped shape their young lives. It was an opportunity that few
people ever get, but many, and particularly teachers, would covet.
Within
hours of posting, I had invitations from students in more than 50 cities across
the country. In early November, I set off on my journey, traveling across
America by bus, by train, just me and my red-tipped cane.
Over the
next three months, I traveled more than 8,000 miles from Miami to New York, to
America's heartland and San Francisco's Golden Gate, visiting hundreds of my
former students along the way. I had hoped I would discover that I'd instilled
in at least some of them a lasting love of books and literature, and a deep
curiosity about the world. But what my trip taught me was something even more
gratifying.
What I
learned from my travels was that my students had grown up to be kind and caring
people.
People who
picked me up when I fell over curbs, read to me from books I could no longer
see, and cut my food when I could not grasp a knife. They shared with me their
deepest secrets, introduced me to their families and friends, sang to me my
favorite songs and recited my favorite poetry.
As I had
hoped, they recalled favorite lessons and books from class, but, to my great surprise,
it was our personal time together that seemed to have meant the most to them.
Those brief, intimate interludes between lessons when we shared heartaches and
vulnerabilities and victories were the times my students remembered.
And it was
through them I realized that those very human moments, when we connected on a
deep and personal level, were what made my life feel so rich, then and now. My
students had taught me the greatest lesson of all. They taught me that what
matters is not so much about what we learn in class, but what we feel in our
hearts.
I am a
pragmatic man. I know there is no reason I should still be alive. The cancer
never lets me forget that it and not I will ultimately win this battle of
wills. I know the disease will have its way with me, and sooner, rather than
later.
My limbs
are withering and my memory is fading. Yet as my world dims from the tumor
growing in my head, I see ever more clearly the gifts the promise of an early
death has brought.
My travels
are done, but my students are never more than a phone call or an e-mail or a
Facebook message away. And from the lessons I learned on the road, I, to borrow
from the great Lou Gehrig, will die feeling like the luckiest man on Earth.
David
Menasche
Mark Twain : “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and
billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest
inconvenience from it.”
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